Elizabeth shares about finding her path with a heart in teaching courses - on relationships, parenting, and claiming your power, as well as working closely with Théun Mares!

Question:

Greetings

Your last guidance was very helpful thank you

I had a heart to heart with my wife, and she did not contest, although did not agree either. She milled over it for a while and we discussed it later and two issues seem to have come up. Firstly, I believe we have become a bit too familiar with each other, so I am taking measures to rectify this, (I haven’t completed my strategy yet, but I’m working with it as it goes along). The second thing is her experience with past partners have been very different; her ex’s were either very much sexually driven, or just treated her like shit, so she is not used to a man who is not really into sex, or makes any effort to include her in anything else and thus she struggles to not take it personally, or see what else there is in the relationship. She agrees that she may be getting bored with me, but as she thought about all the other facets of our relationship over the next few days, this eased her up a bit.

After discussing this with her, and working on my strategy I can definitely feel a change in our relationship. It seems that by working to become a little less familiar, we have actually gotten closer, and she is worrying less about the lack of sex.

With regards to living in SA I appreciate your honesty on the matter. I had suspected as much, and the more I look into the way the ANC is manoeuvring themselves the more it confirms this. I am currently making arrangements, so that my wife and I may leave if we have to.

My next questions:

Firstly, I would like to know about marketing, I believe this can be a form of seduction? Can you give me some advice on Impeccable marketing and the Toltec stance on this?

Secondly, I have read a few of the answers you have written with regards to health problems and diet, and your answers are quite different from the norm. Could you explain to me how high content of meat and natural animal fats effect the body? I am by no means saying you are wrong, I tried it because I was struggling with stamina in my training sessions and it definitely helped, but I did find my digestion and my skin had a few problems and I felt “heavier.”� Is there a way of getting around this?

Thirdly I do some work with some abused children at lifeline, and every time I go near the place, I get so tired I feel like I could slump over and sleep. I don’t feel like I have pity for them. I realise they have their own challenges they must face. I do enjoy working with them though, but I always end up feeling really shit after I work with them. Is there a way I can prevent this? I know that if I am operating from the heart they shouldn’t be able to drain me. Is this correct?
Your guidance is greatly appreciated
With much love and warmth from sunny South Africa

Théun’s Answer:

I am pleased to hear that you find my guidance re your marriage working for you. I would, however, if I were you, NOT be too complacent that you now have it all dusted and sorted! LOL! I still believe your wife is bored with you, and that your marriage has become for her not much more than a comfort zone. But…….that is your business.

The Toltec stance on marketing is the same as for ALL forms of service rendered. Marketing is not wrong provided you OFFER a product or service which is a win-win for both parties concerned. The most successful marketing is always based on first ascertaining the NEEDS of the client, and then seeing HOW you as the supplier can MEET those needs. The kind of marketing which is seductive and therefore not life-supportive, is the type of marketing in which the client is COERCED into believing that he or she MUST have the product or service that is being offered, whether the client really needs this or not. Examples of this can be seen in insurance and credit cards.

You ask about diet, and why I recommend a balanced diet. Note I say BALANCED! I do NOT actually advise people to gorge themselves on meat and animal fat! Instead I advise people to eat a well balanced diet consisting of meat and fish, plenty of fresh vegetables (not frozen), fresh fruit and dairy, meaning milk, cream, butter and cheese. I only ever advise people to eat more meat and fish when they have mental disorders, such as, for example, psychosis or schizophrenia. The reason for this is that the amino acids contained in meat and fish are very soothing and restorative to the nervous system, including the brain.

If your body is not used to big portions of protein, or if your body does not need as much protein as you are eating, then this will cause you to feel heavy and lethargic. But then once again, if you end up feeling heavy it means you are NOT eating what is for YOU a balanced diet. Meat or fish in itself is NOT what causes you to feel heavy, instead it is the LACK of BALANCE that brings about the feeling of heaviness. Your digestive and skin problems are related to your relationship with life around you. So ask yourself what it is about your life that you cannot stomach (digestion) and therefore cannot relate to (skin)? Your change in diet, because it increased the sensitivity of your nervous system, merely brought this issue into focus. So stop staring yourself blind at the face value. LOL! Does this have anything to do with your marriage by any chance? LOL!

Working with people in ANY way can be exceedingly draining unless you know how to protect yourself from their negative energy. By protect I mean knowing HOW to DETACH from people’s problems so as not to IDENTIFY with where they are at. This is easy enough to explain, but not so easy to put into practice unless you know how. People tend to THINK that detachment means indifference, but this is not true. Detachment means the ABILITY to not identify. Operating from the heart is indeed the key to becoming truly detached, but you STILL need to LEARN HOW to detach, and this not something I can teach you in one email. But I can at least point you in the right direction by saying that the reason why you cannot detach from the children you are working with is because you get caught up in the face value of their challenges, rather than seeing WHY they call forth the challenges they have called forth. So to ask about how you can prevent being drained, is an INVALID question! The question you SHOULD ask yourself is WHY have you chosen to do this kind of work? Is it because you wish to be of service? And if so, ARE you truly being of service, for if you are you won’t feel drained? Is it because you are a Do-Gooder? Is it because it makes you feel good about yourself? Being of service, my friend, can at times be hugely exhausting, but never draining. If you are being drained then power is trying to show you something. In this respect look at the familiarity issue that has arisen in your marriage. Where else are you being familiar?

You don’t REALLY like working beyond the face value, do you? And I am beginning to suspect that you have your HEAD just a wee bit too high in the AIR! LMAO and

With warm regards,
Théun

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

Théun, is it true that the Fandango dance is about courting, and that it is the most common dance of the Spaniards? And what exactly does all the stamping mean?

Théun’s Answer:

What you know about the Fandango is the face value. The Fandango, like ALL flamenco dances, originates from the Spanish Gypsies. The Spaniards as such, do NOT dance flamenco - they dance what are known as the Regional dances, of which there are a great many. Only the gypsies do what you have termed “stamping.” LOL! Stamping is actually called zapadeado, pronounced thapadeado, and meaning FOOT-WORK. The rhythmic clapping of hands and snapping of fingers is called palmas, and the exquisite wrist, hand and arm movements are termed brazos, pronounced brathos.

Why I point all this out is because to the Spanish Gypsies dancing is a SACRED EXPRESSION of their inner search for the Divine Rhythm of the One Life, and they spend their LIFETIMES perfecting their zapadeado, palmas and brazos as an INDIVIDUAL EXPRESSION of the inner Self, and therefore to simply refer to this as so much stamping and clapping is the height of IGNORANCE demonstrating a CONTEMPT for that which is not grasped! Likewise is the Fandango an expression of the eternal STRUGGLE at achieving the ULTIMATE intelligent co-operation between MALE and FEMALE as a REFLECTION of the prime DUALITY of the One Life termed the nagal-tonal. Therefore it is far from accurate to say that the Fandango is merely a courting dance!

Furthermore, such is the nature of the Spanish Gypsies that they NEVER have SET dances. The steps are SET, but only in terms of the RHYTHM being utilised. Therefore EVERY time a dance is being performed it is PURE IMPROVISATION, and the dancers BASE their improvisation upon WHAT they are experiencing in the moment, not only between themselves, but even more importantly, what they experience OF themselves in RELATION to the inner Self and how this is reflected within their outer relationships. So, if a couple engage in, let us say the Fandango, they give EXPRESSION to what is going on for THEM at THAT moment in time by making the dance REFLECT this. So if they are experiencing a closeness between them, they will show this in their dance. If they feel DISTANT from one another their dance will show this. If one of them feels close and the other feels like pushing away, again their dance will reflect this. If the relationship between them is being REAL the dance will show this. If the relationship is light and frivolous and superficial, the dance will show this too!

Every wrist movement, every brazos, are to the Gypsies like the Dream symbols are to us. And every rhythm performed with their feet is an expression of their INTENT! Sometimes their zapadeado is soft, almost inaudible, reflecting a deep soul searching, fragile, vulnerable, uncertain; at other times it simply explodes with the exuberant fire of an all-consuming passion and the sheer joy in being alive; at other times it is haunting, repetitive, trying to break free from a recurring pattern, frustrated, filled with a poignant sadness bordering onto despair; but NEVER is the SAME dance repeated ever again; the power lies IN the MOMENT! You will never see the SAME Fandango twice!

Quite something, no? This is why I mentioned the transcendental nature of dance to Z. A gypsy couple can express FAR MORE in dancing together in just ONE dance, than we can ever express in a THOUSAND words!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

Théun, can you please help me with fear? I have a reached a point where I feel fear in most of my interactions with the world around me. I don’t know what is wrong with me, for when I am not fearful I am angry. But then I become fearful again because of having expressed my anger. All of this seems to have become worse ever since X and I came to consult with you in South Africa. My feeling is that this has got to do with fear of power and authority. Am I on the right track, Théun?

Théun’s Answer:

You have a HUGE heart filled with a great deal of warmth - a warmth you long to SHARE, but you are too frightened to be VULNERABLE, and so you choose instead to live a LONELY existence, even though it brings you no joy. So, yes, you find yourself swinging between the polarities of FEAR and ANGER. The fear comes up when you WANT to OPEN UP - it comes up because you fear REJECTION, fear being HURT, fear making a fool of yourself.

But then the anger kicks in, an anger at YOURSELF, but which you then PROJECT onto the other person. But remember that anger is ALWAYS the desire to fight for CLARITY, to find the KNOWLEDGE which is lacking, to find the way forward. But when that anger is directed AT, whether this is at yourself or at someone else, it goes nowhere other than to CONFIRM to you that you have been wronged, misunderstood or whatever. This is why I have so often teased you about surrounding yourself with fierce women, for you so NEEDED these fierce mirrors to help you gain an insight into your shortcoming, Bigotry. What I am saying, Y, is that if you look deeply enough you will find that it is easier for you to hold onto the bigot’s view of the world than to allow yourself to be fully open and vulnerable so that you CAN express your love and your warmth.

So what happened for you in South Africa? You and X came to me because you both so WANTED to support me in the work I am doing. I shared with you both that I do NOT have the time to DO what you both proposed, but that if you REALLY want to help me, and support me, then you must STRIVE with EVERY fibre of your being to be the BEST Y and X you can possibly be. I even went on to say that I love you both and BELIEVE in you to BE the BEST, but you must please DO it FOR yourselves and BY yourselves, meaning, please do NOT do it for ME, but for YOU, because it is YOU that the world NEEDS!

I tried so hard to get the message through to you that although I would truly LOVE all the support you were offering me it is not PRACTICAL, quite besides which, the only REAL support you CAN give me is to JOIN me on the battle field of life and to fight for all you are worth to HELP create the world we wish to live in. But you can only DO this if you do it FOR yourselves and BY yourselves out there, using your OWN personal power and your OWN belief in SELF! I even got Z to assist me in this by asking her to give you the female, or more precisely, the NEGATIVE input! B-:) But you and X were furiously hanging onto the Bigot and the Romantic respectively, and so you felt attacked, annihilated, belittled, unappreciated, disillusioned and whatever else you felt at the time. LOL! I point this out, NOT as an accusation, but in an effort to bring you the clarity you are seeking.

Later, upon your return to the UK, you wrote to me again, making offers with respect to possibly organising for Z to run workshops in the UK, but you came at me from the angle of money! LOL! It was then that I whacked you senseless for offering me MONEY instead of your HEART, your WARMTH, your LOVE! But still you chose to retreat in fear, and then later in anger! You may have suppressed the anger, I am not sure, but I could see the anger in you, much as I can see it in L now. Right now I am not on L’s Christmas Card list! LOL!

Y, if you are hungry, you can always find a way to eat; if you need money you can always find a way in which to make money. But what of the millions of lost souls out there that live in a COLD and HOSTILE world? As I said to M at this past retreat, “Where will these people find the love, the understanding, the support, they so long for?” Food may be scarce, and money too may be scarce, but not anywhere NEAR as scarce as TRUE under-standing and TRUE support! The world out there, my friend, needs your HEART, your WARMTH, and not your money as such, or what you can do FOR them!

So is it REALLY power you fear? Is it really authority you fear? No, my friend. What you fear the most is OPENING your HEART to the world around you, because what happens if you get it wrong, if you screw-up, if you get rejected and hurt? So is it really ME you fear, my friend? No! What you fear IN me is my UNBENDING intent to go out there and to give it my ALL! This is the MIRROR you fear!

Take the retreats as an example. What is it about them that REALLY disturbs you? Have you noticed that it is not REALLY the clarity people get at the retreats that makes a DIFFERENCE in their lives? Have you noticed that it is not REALLY having the teachings made CLEAR and PRACTICAL for them that makes the difference? Have you noticed that what truly TOUCHES and therefore makes the REAL difference is being LISTENED to with love, with warmth, with under-standing and with support! Within this last sentence, Y, lies ALL of the ESSENCE of the TRUE teachings that can NEVER be verbalised, for they can only be WITNESSED.

I trust this will guide you in the right direction.

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

Théun, I am feeling incredibly miserable as of late. Can you help me see why?

Théun’s Answer:

LOL! You are feeling so miserable because you can’t think STRAIGHT! Your DISTORTED perception is enough to make ANYONE miserable! I see the lights burning, but……………?

My friend, the ONLY cause of misery is the INABILITY to grasp the INTERRELATIONSHIP of Life! By the time the MIND has stuffed everything into nice NEAT little boxes and LABELED the boxes, you have so MANY boxes, EACH with their OWN label, that you can no longer see the wood for the trees!

So no bloody wonder you are feeling so goddamned miserable, you old fool!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

I feel I can never truly share me with my friends. This makes me very unhappy and frustrated to the point of wanting to lash out at my friends rather than to share with them. How does one work with this?

Théun’s Guidance:

LOL! I know this feeling only too well! I have lived with it, in one way or another, for my ENTIRE life! There is SO little of who and what I am, there is SO little of the knowledge I DO have that I can TRULY share with others OPENLY! Instead I find myself SERVING the NEEDS of others, and this is where it stops! LOL! So if I am required to mop the floor, then I mop the floor! When I am required to bring clarity, then I bring clarity! When I am required to answer a question, then I answer the question! But hardly EVER do I EXPRESS more than what I have been ASKED to do! Why? Because people rarely if ever understand that which they cannot call forth. So I have LEARNED to give ONLY what is asked of me because today I KNOW that to give MORE than is asked for or is required, is to expose the other person to a knowledge for which he or she is not YET ready to take RESPONSE-ABILITY!

But all of this has NEVER killed or SILENCED within me my deep and INSATIABLE love for and of Life! True, sometimes the LONGING to have someone with whom to truly SHARE my passion for Life can become overwhelming if I ALLOW it to, but then I CHOOSE to RE-MEMBER that ALL-ONE are we born and ALL-ONE we die, so why the big hullabaloo about THAT which cannot be for now? So I go put on one of my most favourite pieces of music, I turn it up loud and I REVEL in being QUIET with my SELF within me! Alternatively I read one of my most loved pieces of prose or poems, and give thanks inwardly for the BEAUTY the author or the poet enables me to see within ALL of life around me!

You see, my lovely friend, it is INFINITELY more pleasurable to travel ALL-ONE than to feel lonely and hard-done-by! LOL!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

My greatest fear is that I am incapable of giving love and warmth to another person. In fact I don’t even see myself as being sensitive to other people! All I seem to have in my life is my dogs and my artwork.

Théun’s Answer:

Bullshit! You love your dogs and your artwork, don’t you? So just DROP this insane belief about yourself! We are ALL capable of giving love and warmth, but the question is, do we have ANYONE who really APPRECIATES true love and warmth, or have we surrounded ourselves only by those that DEMAND CONDITIONAL love? My friend, BEFORE we can GIVE true love and warmth we must FIRST be WILLING to lose everything we THINK we hold dear to us! Why? Because MOST people do NOT want, much less appreciate, unconditional love in action, for they find it harsh, unforgiving, ruthless and most of all, UN-COMFORT-ABLE!

My guess is this is WHERE your relationship with your husband is at! Your husband wants a warm, cosy marriage in which there is no friction, no disharmony, no conflict, just sweet dreams, pretty words and a great SHOW and PRETENSE at marital bliss! LOL! Anything else spells for him an UNHAPPY marriage! And your husband is NOT alone in this! If the truth be told, MOST people only ever want the GOOD things in life, and therefore they try their damnedest to ESCAPE from everything that rocks the boat! People, generally speaking, do NOT want to LEARN and GROW! Instead they want EVERY day to be a HOLIDAY! LMAO!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

Théun, I am beginning to see why I always end up being so aggressive. It is really my fear that I am going to fail because I do not deserve to win. Feeling that I don’t deserve to win just makes me grumpy and ill-tempered.

Théun’s Answer:

This is PRECISELY why you at times drive me crazy! You buckle down and work HARD to uplift yourself, and then just at the VERY POINT where you CAN begin to move forward in a REAL way, you suddenly decide that because all is beginning to go well you can now INDULGE in becoming COMPLACENT, and so up comes ALL the old behaviour and you promptly sabotage yourself and your opportunities! It is nothing but self-destruction, and in the process you become destructive to all around you!

Perhaps if you were to START from the angle of whatever you do to yourself you also do to all around you, you MAY begin to glimpse what true humility actually entails! So, yes, you CAN starve yourself! But in the process you also starve those around you! Yes, you CAN beat up on yourself! But so too will you then beat up those around you! And, yes, you CAN sabotage yourself and your opportunities, but so too do you sabotage others and their opportunities! Where is the humility in such behaviour?

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

Why do people, generally speaking, fail to meet one another?

Théun’s Guidance:

We FIRST need to learn the TRUE meaning of RE-SPECT, not just for others, but also for ourselves, before we can start to MEET, whether on the issue of wine, food, social manners, clothing, etiquette, or whichever FORM we may wish to focus on as a MEDIUM through which to explore and meet! The ONLY reason why people FAIL to meet each other is because of a LACK of RESPECT, and where there is a lack of respect there is FAMILIARITY, meaning ASSUMED understanding based upon prejudice or judgment. And where there is familiarity, there is CONTEMPT, no matter in what FORM this is expressed or manifested!

But contempt, my friend, no matter how cleverly it is concealed or disguised is FELT at SOME level and, as a result, TRUE communication becomes stunted, crippled and ultimately ends up in falseness dressed up to look like lamb! So, yes, we can sit and smile at each other, and we can be NICE to each other, but what about the FEELINGS that are generated because of the UNDELIVERED COMMUNICATION together with the UNSPOKEN COMMUNICATION? What of that? And remember that there IS a difference between “undelivered” versus “unspoken” - undelivered means saying one thing when in fact you MEAN something else - unspoken speaks for itself!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares

Question:

I feel so upset about what has been happening in the Group of late, that I feel the time has come for ALL of us to put ALL our cards on the table!

Théun’s Guidance:

Yes, putting all the cards on the table with ruthless honesty is an excellent place to start in becoming REAL and in making each other REAL too! But it is exactly herein that both SPACE and TIME are needed, for how often do ANY of you truly LISTEN to each other, and above all, listen to yourselves?

All too often it is just the MIND re-enacting the same OLD emotional stuff over and over again, and all of that stuff is the accumulated garbage collected around your shortcomings! Therefore when you DO start trying to MEET each other, it will be imperative that you bear in mind at ALL times your own shortcomings, and how these shortcomings influence your speech, your ability to listen as well as your motives! For example, what do you HEAR in the phrase “space and time?” And what is your FEELING in THIS moment concerning this particular guidance? What am I REALLY saying? All of you will do so much better if ONLY you would bear in mind that true feelings are the expression of IRRATIONAL knowledge, and therefore whenever you catch yourselves being so SURE of a feeling in the moment, you can take it as FACT that you have ALREADY squashed, and I mean squashed, that feeling into your view of the world, and have thereby distorted it!

I bring this to your notice, for all too often this is what I see from all of you! But to make it clear: you have a feeling, which is good and true, but because it is irrational you immediately ASSUME understanding of every-thing surrounding that feeling BECAUSE of this, that or the other that you THINK you know! As a result you become hooked to the face value of the feeling, and then get carried away by the history that has led up to the moment in which you experience the feeling! All of this can be avoided so easily if ONLY you will bear in mind that ANY true feeling is the expression of IRRATIONAL knowledge, and as such, you will at first not know EXACTLY what the feeling SHOULD translate into in terms of PRACTICAL IMPLICATIONS!

So whilst laying the cards on the table is good, check your motives, your verbalization and INTENT! It is really quite simple to do this if you would only ask yourselves TWO questions, namely, “Do I want to LEARN? Or do I want to PROVE a point?” In other words, there is a HUGE difference between wanting PROOF of what you THINK your feelings mean, as opposed to WANTING to LEARN what your feelings are trying to tell you! All too often putting the cards on the table amounts to nothing more than two people each demanding PROOF of what they THINK their hearts are trying to TEACH them! Demanding proof implies that you ALREADY KNOW, whereas LISTENING in order to LEARN what your heart is trying to tell you implies OPENNESS and WILLINGNESS!

*This article is taken from the website www.toltec-legacy.com with the permission of the administrators. tag: theun mares